We’re having a heat wave.

What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.

– Jane Austen

So much for the cool, rainy Pacific Northwest that I was warned about. Today’s weather in Tacoma reached the upper 80s. Ugh.

What not to do on a hot summer’s day:

  1. Paint the bathroom. But that’s what we’re doing today. The little drops of paint that patter down onto my face are not refreshing. Neither is the smell.
  2. Cook a hot meal. But that’s what I’m doing today. You see, I’ve vowed to stop wasting food, and there are these odds and ends that would make great turkey burgers with a fresh tomato-pepper sauce, and a potato gratin to use up the leftover cream cheese and spinach dip. It’ll taste great in the cool basement.
  3. Try to think of something to write. Unless it involves murder. I’ll bet a lot of mystery novels get their start on an oppressively hot day. I’m not at all angry – in fact, I’m feeling quite mellow. And yet, wouldn’t it be thrilling to shake off this lethargy by doing away with someone who really needed doing away with? (In a strictly fictional sense, of course.)
  4. Garden work. I hear you slithering down onto the lawn, you big ol’ magnolia leaves, but I’m not going to rake you today. You can just lie there until you rot.
  5. Argue with your computer. Fine, you want to put the curser there, you miserable, second-guessing slab of electronic trash? Go ahead! Jump that curser all over the page! And then decide to turn my bullets into numbers – I’ll show you… Hey, perhaps a novel about a woman who goes berserk after arguing with her computer on a hot day, then poisons the sneering, unhelpful computer tech by feeding him a potato and death cap mushroom casserole, and then buries him out in the back yard under the pile of magnolia leaves!
  6. Oh, but corpses attract flies, and there are too many flies here already. Ah well.



Leave a Reply